People in love make me want to vomit
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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