who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My life is pants optional.
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