if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
