If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
