the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
