we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
