Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
