I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
