Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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