his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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