I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
