you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
