I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
