I'll bet she douches with gravy.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
two words: eviction party
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
