its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
