see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
