did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
