I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
