HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
