I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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