he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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