I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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