Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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