The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
