i would punch a child for taco bell
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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