You really coming over, don't trick.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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