He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
