It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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