I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize