Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
