I met the friendliest cop last night
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
