I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
