i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
