that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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