we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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