You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
