apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
