Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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