I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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