i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
