It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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