Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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