I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
