Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
