if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
