well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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