That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Your dad touched me again.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
