she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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