I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
