I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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