i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
