I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
