Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
this will be a night to untag.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
