He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
