There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
