so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
