11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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