i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
