Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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