Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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