you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
