I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
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Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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