Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
