I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
