Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Drunk is a universal language darling
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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