theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
