If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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